Elderly, Lonely and Coronavirus
They’ve survived WWII, maybe even the Great Depression, endured and enjoyed life’s turns and accomplishments. Now this.
Quarantine, lockdown, self-isolation. Whatever name you call it, the directive of the past month has come hardest to those who already often find themselves mostly alone.
In good times, back when there was a “normal” my parents and my grandmother, now 98 and still living at home, pined daily for interaction with those they love and especially visits from their children and grandchildren.
Now we are unable to visit them, told we are a risk to their very existence and cannot be their emotional salve and that warmth they look forward to. It’s hard for us. Incalculably more so for them.
What can be done? I’ve struggled with this question. I’ve considered visiting -with their permission of course- thinking maybe we have few visits remaining, at least with my grandmother at 98 years old regardless, so why let her be alone for months more when her life is without guarantee every day already.
This all becomes very much a philosophical discussion where world views paint our perspectives. If I believe life is to be lived without fear and to perish hugging a grandchild is better than living in isolation without them for an indeterminate number of months I say we visit- but maintain distance and be safe about it.
If I believe we must protect against this flu at any, every and all costs because death from it is intolerable I’ll scold anyone for merely suggesting a visit.
Meanwhile the problem persists. Our elderly loved ones are increasingly depressed and isolation has eroded the few points of pleasure and joy they have. You see, purpose is important to us. We derive our confidence and security from having purpose in life, and for our parents and grandparents purpose is found in imparting knowledge and being ballast for their children and (great) grandchildren.
I recently visited with a new home care client. She’s 82, tack sharp and living alone in her home where visits from her children and grandchildren were constant reprieve, and walks in the neighborhood filled the time in between. Depression and Sundowners have set in. She is scared and even her diet has had to change with the closure of favorite restaurants and inability to shop for herself.
She was happy for my visit and we have since provided her with a lovely caregiver that provides companionship and also shops and cooks to her tastes. I spoke with her son yesterday and he too is happy knowing his mom has someone to talk too and the warmth that comes with human contact.
I know most cannot afford homecare and caregiver companionship is unattainable. Rather than write this blog as I typically do, with advice from my years of experience I am left to ask you, what can we do? How do we care for these most valued people and give them the love and care that feeds the soul? What are you doing and what will you do if this lock down continues another month, another three months, or another year? Please share.
